REFLECTION
by: Lisa Tschauner
Today… this morning specifically, took a bit of a different turn than usual for me. I am a commuter and I have always liked my beautiful drive to and from work between Hastings and Kearney. Most days, I take the back roads and I enjoy seeing the fields, rivers, wildlife, expansive skies and rural productivity on my short journey. I often listen to what’s happening in the world via NPR, stream up one of my many favorite podcasts or even take in an audiobook. Today, instead, I just let my Bluetooth default to my random music list shuffling on iTunes. I became very emotional. Like weepy, sensitive, ultra-aware and full of the feels. Why? Who knows… maybe it was just the splendor of Andre Bocelli, the smooth voice of Gavin Degraw, followed by heart-wrenching story-telling by The Avett Brothers and then Miley’s anthem Party in the USA and Good Life by One Republic. It was a musical roller coaster and I was wiping the away the tears… but I am fairly certain they were tears of happiness.
I will be honest, the last few weeks have been difficult for some strange reason. Maybe it is the impending holidays, dealing with the “pandemic flux syndrome” many of us are experience or more than likely for me it is this Friday… yep… this Friday is what I am referring to as “The Big “F” (aka my half-century, milestone birthday) and I have not felt very good about it for some time now. Perhaps it is a combination of all those influences. I even had my first panic attack a couple of weeks ago. WTF? I don’t have panic attacks. I am smart enough to know feelings will come and go and time will usually solve most issues. But this recent phase has been different.
So as I reflected on these feelings in contrast with how I felt this morning, especially considering my “Good Life” with a melody, I realized… WOW… I am incredibly fortunate and grateful for the life I have. To have the capacity to be moved by music, to even have access to music. To drive freely on my way to a job I love and work I am privileged to get to do each day with some phenomenally talented colleagues and students, to know that my parents are alive and well as are my siblings and children and all only a quick phone call or text away. I have lived in such an incredible time where so many innovations have happened, and the world has experienced change and amazing evolution. Anyway… this made me start a mindful list of things I am grateful for, and I thought I would just legitimize this list and put it out into the world.
I am grateful for my children, Wyatt and Madison and the lives they are building for themselves. They are kind humans who do “the right thing.” They have grown into these responsible people who are making the world around them a better place through the work they do and the relationships they have. I appreciate my marriage of twenty-two years to their father and that we were able to provide a stable, safe and loving family for our children to grow up near our roots and knowing and being close with all of their grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and many close family friends.
I am grateful for my parents. As I get older, I realize this more each day. They raised me in a way allowing me to be a child, a silly kid without many worries in the world. They protected me and provided for me. They encouraged me and pushed me. They taught me the value of a dollar and how honesty is always the right path. They set a tone for me when it came to work and to completing things you set out to do. They also taught me about humility, spirituality, humor, loyalty and most of all… love.
I am grateful for my home and living in Nebraska where I feel grounded and there is space to wander. It is a place where I can rest, create and neighbor next to people who are kind and concerned with the well-being of their communities. It has the sunrises of hope and the sunsets of peace. Life in a location where the pace of the daily routine allows for more than completing tasks, but the enjoyment of doing so with access to the amenities to do it efficiently. And having a glass of wine on my porch while enjoying a conversation among friends might be my number one place of refuge.
I am grateful for my siblings. They were my first friends in life. They taught me responsibility, how to share and how to lead. My brother and sister gave me the sense what unconditional really means and why protecting the people you love is important. They are people who I share the oldest inside jokes with including the silly nicknames that have stood the test of time. I admire them and I am proud of who they are.
I am grateful for my education, both formal and otherwise. Having access to teachers, advisors and peers who have helped me discover my own passions and interests is an invaluable advantage. Knowledge gives us the power and the confidence to move through the world in a way that enables us to change it for the better. I have learned from so many and it has built the educator in me.
I am grateful for my career and the varied industries in which I have worked. This includes all the people I have had the occasion to work alongside, work for, collaborate and create with. In my early working years, I was given the trust of my superiors and unbelievable responsibility with the support and expertise of those much wiser than me. Again, this broadened my skill set and confidence to do new and exciting things in all the different professional roles.
I am grateful for my extended family. I grew up around my grandparents and was able to form relationships with each of them and learn about who I am and who my parents are through their perspectives and involvement in my life. They worked hard…like really, really hard and were all incredibly wise and respected. I love that I can text a cousin, go on a road trip with another, debate politics with an uncle or stay up all night having deep conversations with an aunt. I feel the most comfortable with these people I am somehow lucky enough to share DNA with.
I am grateful for my experiences. This includes the accomplishments and the failures, the mistakes and the pivots. I can blend and adapt or I can set myself apart and bring a new perspective to a situation and much of that ability has to do with my experiences in life including the hard lessons. The past shapes us and who we become. Our choices, our decisions and our values are built by what we have been through and lead us to a place where we eventually will bring meaning to others and leave a mark on this world.
I am grateful for my friendships; those near and far, old and new. Choosing who to be around and share your life with through fellowship, laughter, good times and bad is one of the greatest gifts. I have friends from my earliest days to the more recent era of life. I appreciate the casual friends who delight and surprise. I appreciate the deeper connections… those clutch friends, the ones who will help you hide the dead body if needed (hypothetically). They will probably have questions, call you out on your s@#t, but they will still be there to help. My collective of friends all have such unique personalities and characteristics making me strive to be the best person I can be. Watching and participating in their worlds, supporting one another and being vulnerable when there is no guarantee is the true test of who we are. I am forever thankful for my tribe of pals.
I am grateful for all of the innovators and entrepreneurs who have allowed me to work, help and advise them and experience a small slice of their success in creating businesses, products, content, jobs and services that grow our economy. Watching the effort these dynamic people put into building amazing ventures truly is a reward in addition to a responsibility I always take seriously and with thoughtful intention.
I am grateful for my privilege. I don’t know if we are supposed to say that in today’s climate, but it is a very honest recognition for me. I have been able to travel, to see many different places in this big world of ours and to experience different cultures. I can provide for myself and give back to others. I can learn about the stories of other people and navigate through a free society with access to basic human rights and beyond. I can experience art, entertainment and news about issues all over the globe and in most cases at the click of a button or screen. The idea to purchase something can pop into my mind on Monday and on Tuesday it has arrived at my front door. Praise to technology and our access to it.
If you have gotten this far, chances are you fall into one of the many categories above of what I am grateful for… so from the depths of my soul, Thank You. The big “F” is going to happen… I am leaning into this next phase of life and looking forward. I will always set the bar higher; I will always have a list of things to do and the desire for new experiences. I will likely continue to scream cliché and “trying too hard,” but it is who I am, and my intuition is telling me that is okay, it really is okay. I will always move forward with the intention of doing better. However, it is important for me to pause, reflect and recognize all I have in this “good life.” I know there are many great things yet to come. I might be overwhelmed with emotion… not always the easiest thing for me to share, but I am putting it out there into the universe as I reflect on the first… 50 years (ahhhh goodness that was hard to type). Peace and love.